Mondays aren’t my best days
Gawd, today was soo boring. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. I don’t even have anything to write about, which only goes to show just how pointless my day was.
There’s this one thing though. One thing that’s still weighing heavily on my mind… I’ve already decided NOT to settle into a committment. But a part of me kinda doesn’t feel right. And yes, that’s my stupid side tryna mess things up for me again. God damn it. They say that life is what you make it. Then why the hell is my life so damn complicated even though I’m really trying to make it as uncomplicated as possible?
This shit’s too much for me. I’ve already considered suicide. I told my good friend Eiss about my plans. Of course she thought I was talking crazy. I mean, who in the holy hell would get a gun and get things over with just because of one silly problem that’s not even that big a deal if you come to think about it rationally? I would’ve. I just don’t know how to deal with these complex emotions. I don’t know how to respond to these feelings. And like everyone else, I’m always looking for the easy way out. What could be easier than suicide, right?
Okay, so now you prolly think I’m a psycho or something. But I don’t care how you people see me. I don’t even care how I perceive myself to be honest with you.
Do I even know who I am? Or am I just foolishly trying to convince myself that THIS is who I am? That THIS is WHAT I am? Maybe I should try thinking about WHO and WHAT I should be?
I thought I’ve already found myself in those 4 long months. I guess I was wrong.
Whew, never saw that one coming did you?
3 years ago • 0 notes